For many Christmas is a wonderful happy joyful time, yet for many it can be one of the most difficult times of the year. Some may be missing loved ones passed, or feeling lonely with family living elsewhere. For some people seeing old friends and family members may be exciting or it may bring up memories of disappointments and feeling hurt. So feeling depressed or anxious is not unusual during the holiday season.
Essentially the healthier your family is, the less difficult holidays are. If you have more of a dysfunctional family, it’s important to have a survival plan.
Firstly, try not to have any expectations. The more we expect the more disappointment we will have when things don’t turn out as we hope. Instead try to be realistic, go with the flow and enjoy the present moment. Just being aware of how the holidays can wreak havoc on your emotions will help you better prepare. You don't want to be overly pessimistic going into it, but you do want to be realistic.
Identify each and every thing that's likely to trigger you. Then make a game plan for how you'll handle each one. Or just smile and nod. You can also try an all-purpose, but specific-to-family-drama mantra: "Today I'm giving my family the gift of tolerance." Deep breathing exercises are also powerful to use in combination with your mantra.
Ask for help if you need it. Reach out to others if you feel alone. Don’t self-sabotage and be a victim. Your loved ones want you to enjoy this special day.
Be true to yourself. Don’t take on more than you should. Do what is right for you – say “no” if you need to! Relax and spend time in nature – nurture yourself. Go for a walk on the beach. Dive into the ocean. Take your dog for a walk in the park. Water the garden. It doesn’t have to take long. Just long enough to refresh and renew your energy.
Don’t take things personally. Remember your boundaries. If someone tries to put you off balance, remind yourself not to personalise it. How people act and behave is a reflection of who they are and has nothing to do with you. Even though it can be tough, try not to personalise hurtful comments.
Don’t expect people to change. Going into your holiday hoping people will be different this year just sets you up for disappointment. Remember: You are not your family; you are your own completely separate person.
Whether your family has profoundly hurt you or regularly offends you, use holiday time to become an even stronger person. No one can touch your thoughts, so think what you want, laugh to yourself and give yourself tremendous amounts of compassion as you navigate your complicated family landscape. When you meet dysfunction with incredibly healthy functioning on your part, you don’t hand over your emotions to anyone else.
Give yourself a healthy reminder that this is life, not a sparkly Christmas movie. Toss out all notions of achieving perfection, but try to create moments that are special to you.
Nourish yourself with kindness, compassion and good food. Don’t binge on booze or food, just practice mindfulness, eat slowly, enjoy each mouthful, relax and find pleasure in your meals. Don’t beat yourself up if you over-indulge, as Christmas is often renown for. Just try and listen to your body wisdom and stop before you feel full. If you feel full but still want to taste all those delicious desserts, ask for a small portion to take home for tomorrow.
Schedule post-holiday self-care time. Boxing Day is the perfect day to do something for you. Make a plan to catch up with cherished friends, go watch a new movie by yourself, move your body with some kind of pleasurable exercise, go to the beach, or just curl up with a great novel for the day.
If Christmas being just around the corner seems all too over-whelming for you, then book in for a couple of neurofeedback sessions in December, as I’m offering 30% off until Christmas. Training your brain makes most things in life easier and it can help you find the ability to choose how to respond, rather than react in the same old way. That can make a big difference, especially at holiday time.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.
Neurofeedback Perth
